[The suspect poses for his sex offender register picture, above] 

You’ll be shocked to find out that alcohol has apparently “played a large role in [his] life”. He’s now plead guilty of using a phone “for a fictitious purpose”.

Arthur Cradock, 48, from the South Island town of Motueka, called police last month to tell them he was being raped by the marsupial at his home and needed urgent assistance.

Cradock, an orchard worker, later called back to reassure the police operator that he was all right.

“I’ll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he’s pulled out. Apart from speaking Australian now, I’m pretty all right you know. I didn’t hurt my bum at all.”

Via Hot Air.