Not just a scrapheap -- an *expensive* scrapheap.

Hey, good thing we canceled that F-22 in favor of these totally cool, totally superior F-35s, huh? Because let me tell you, everything’s coming up roses.

The F-35 Lightning II strike fighter has previously undisclosed problems with its handling, avionics, afterburner and helmet-mounted display, according to a report by the Pentagon’s Director of Operational Test and Evaluation.

Is that all? Okay. So everything’s super except for those pesky issues with handling, avionics, afterburner, and helmet-mounted display. Don’t worry, though: The cup holders are performing as expected.

Both the U.S. Air Force F-35A variant and U.S. Marine Corps’ F-35B model experienced “transonic wing roll-off, [and] greater than expected sideslip during medium angle-of-attack testing,” the report said.

The report also says that various components are not as reliable as expected.

Additionally, the Pratt and Whitney F-135 engine has encountered an afterburner “screech,” in which airflow disruptions cause severe vibrations, preventing the engine from reaching maximum power. That problem has delayed some required testing.

Another fun problem with the aircraft:

The report also calls for the aircraft’s On-Board Inert Gas Generations System, which generates inert gases to prevent oxygen building up inside the fuel tanks, to be redesigned.

“The OBIGGS system fails to inert the fuel tank ullage spaces throughout the combat flight envelopes evaluated,” the report says.

So the F-35 would be totally superior to any other combat aircraft in existence today, if only the piece of crap actually worked. In other words, it’s a great aircraft…in theory. Whereas the F-22 Raptor was a great aircraft in reality. So naturally Congress ended the F-22 program in favor of buying lots of F-35 scrapheaps.