Here’s the actual liveblog. Background here. All times in US eastern.

3:08am: William and Kate will be the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, the queen has decided.

3:13am: Statement from the queen. The couple will also become the Baron and Baroness of Carrickfergus. I dare you to say that word five times fast.

4:02am: Fox, which has been streaming Sky News coverage until now, breaks in with Shep Smith and Martha McCallum for live coverage. About four hours until the much-awaited smooch.

4:05am: This coverage is much more bearable if you provide a parody voice over to the video. “Oh, helloooooo. You look absolutely fetching, dahling!”

4:08am: The car that will be taking Kate to the ceremony has arrived outside her hotel.

4:10am: Royal guard now marching around, playing a song I’ve yet to see identified. Lots of pomp. Ah. They’re marching through the gate of Buckingham Palace.

4:16am: Harry’s on-again-off-again girlfriend, Chelsy Davy, is at the wedding, reports the Associated Press. The next royal couple?

4:20am: Perhaps the second most-famous Englishman at the wedding? David Beckham, the soccer star. His wife, Victoria (Posh Spice) is there, too.

4:47am: Sir Elton John and his partner, David Furnish, have arrived to more than a few cheers.

4:55am: Shep Smith is mocking hats as dignitaries enter the church.

4:59am: Someone needs to tell Shep Smith that the red-headed woman is Prime Minister Julia Gillard of Australia.

5:13am: And now the princes are on their way. Harry is wearing blue, William is wearing red.

5:48am: The queen is approaching the church now, wearing a yellow Angela Kelly dress.

5:50am: The queen enters the church to trumpets. She is, after all, the queen of the United Kingdom.

5:42am: Kate is now departing the hotel. She’s wearing a white wedding tress with a train and veil.

5:56am: About five minutes now until the wedding service.

6:03am: Kate enters the church. She’s wearing a tiara, too. Recent speculation was correct. Her dress was designed by Sarah Burton.

6:14am: Crap. The Fox/Sky News feed has either audio or video delay.

6:20am: Breaking: William and Kate are now, legally and before God, married.

6:40am: Ceremony, including prayers and singing, is still ongoing.

6:57am: And it’s still going. I’m pretty sure the queen’s gonna walk out if this lasts another five minutes. And who’s gonna stop her? She’s the queen.