I look forward to the defense team telling this to a jury. A jury that will then proceed to laugh so hard the judge will have to provide them with clean underwear.

“Some of these kids don’t have basic hygiene skills,” Rominger told the television station, presumably with a straight face throughout. “Teaching a person to shower at the age of 12 or 14 sounds strange to some people, but people who work with troubled youth will tell you there are a lot of juvenile delinquents and people who are dependent who have to be taught basic life skills like how to put soap on their body.”

(In the interest of fairness, we’re going to assume Mr. Rominger is a real attorney with a degree and everything and not a well-executed plant from The Onion.)

In an apparent effort to bolster this latest defense tactic, Rominger noted during the interview that his college cross-country coach often showered with the team. Of course, Rominger was neither 10 years old nor alone when these showers took place, so it’s unclear what his college experience has to do with his client’s situation.

A kid doesn’t know basic hygiene skills, so clearly that calls for him to shower naked with a creepy old guy. Okay then.

“We the jury sentence the defendant Gerald Arthur Sandusky to 463 years in a correctional facility. And for the love of God, would someone disbar that lawyer?”